Things That Have Annoyed Me This Week

1.) I was at work, standing at the ice machine, waiting for it to fill my cup. This usually take a few minutes because the machine is eternally on the fritz. I think it can actually play mind games because I will hold my cup underneath it while it grates and groans like it is trying with all its might to produce ice, and just when I give up, at that very second, it dumps enough ice that would have filled the cup in a split second...but the ice is instead lost in the drain. Fantastic. Anyway, I was at the machine, waiting for it to produce, not being fooled by its melodramatics, when two of the local firefighters who had just dropped off a patient came and stood in line behind me. One of them actually said, "Talk dirty to it. That usually seems to help." Which made me think: How exactly does one talk dirty to an ice machine? And, does he really do that? How else would he know that it usually seems to help? It made me think of a time when I worked for a resort/hotel and a tourist from Georgia asked me where she could find the ice machine, but with her heavy drawl it sounded like she asked me where she could find the @$$ machine. That's as close as I could think of how to talk dirty to an ice machine.

2.) I recently purchased a new litter box for my cat. It is called the Booda Dome and it is advertised as the Greatest Litter Box Ever! It promises to make it impossible for your cat to spread litter onto your floor. This claim is due to several of the Booda Dome's unique features, including: the walkway ramp that is designed to remove stray litter from your feline friend's paws as he descends, the half wall that the cat must step over in order to drop into the box below, and the gigantic dome shaped cover that promises 99.9% reduction in odor. I have been eyeing this Booda Dome for several weeks now, frustrated by the amount of kitty litter that is scattered all over my bathroom floor by my kitten, who thinks the litter box is a place for play instead of a place for potty (though he does also potty there. So, I guess he is not opposed to playing in his own defecation). I finally bit the bullet and forked out the thirty bucks it cost for what I thought would be an answer to my prayers. Two days into this investment, I have realized that I am a sucker. Not only do I still have cat litter all over my bathroom floor, but there is not even a slight decrease in the amount that is flung about by my cat. Fantastic. I may have in fact only encouraged my cat's behavior by buying him the Taj Mahal of cat litter boxes, complete with spiral staircase.

That's it. Isn't that enough?

Delicacy

If McDonald's accidentally served this to you, would you still eat it?

No Square to Spare

"Before he knew it Pedro found himself running out of the hut with the last roll of toilet paper...Knowing full well that his father would soon be heading to the bathroom after consuming two cups of coffee and three bran muffins..."